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The Stig/Introductions

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< The Stig

  • Some say he's "A" in Pretty Little Liars. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say, he's actually dead... But the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say...He can play guitar with the clutch...and his carbon fibre beard is chizelled in the most streamlined way... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he knighted the Queen... and that he saved the Queen from God... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that it's impossible for him to wear socks... and that he can open a beer bottle with his testes!... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that all his pot plants are called Steve.. and that he has a life size tattoo of his face.. on his face.. all we know is, his called The Stig!
  • Some say he has a striped top like [James May's]... All we know is, he's called the Stig!
  • Some say that he can hypnotize sheep, and that if he could be bothered he could swim the Atlantic ocean - underwater.
  • Some say he blinks sideways...And [Richard Hammond] forgot to make a second one because [Richard Hammond] hasn't done this in a while......All we know is, he's called the Stig!
  • Some say, that he once co-presented a Brazilian show about blimp disasters, and that once, he actually punched God. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that he once killed a giraffe with just his feet and that he has a black belt in paper maché...all we know is he's called The Stig!
  • Some say he is 5foot tall with lead in his feet,others say 6feet with tall with air in his head....but he doesn't care what you say. You'll only know him as... The Stig!
  • Some say he's contracted every STD known to man, and that he has inflatable breasts to get him out of speeding tickets. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say, that he is one of the protons in the Large Hadron Collider, and that he creates miniature black holes every time he sneezes. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he was the one who actually pulled Excalibur from the stone and that he is the rightful king of England. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he sucks the moisture from ducks, and if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he gave birth to Chuck Norris,and that the mother was superman!
  • Some say he has no understanding of queuing.
  • Some say, he once modeled for page 3... and his feet are made from dog leather. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that wherever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiny mouth shut! All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that because our producer rigged a phone vote he has a new name. All we know is his name is Cuddles!
  • Some say he knows two facts about ducks, and that both of them are wrong... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks this way [sideways]. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that his favourite T-shirt has a picture on the front of a T-shirt, and that he spent all week waiting for a big cheque from the Germans, because he too has spent the last 2000 years sitting on his backside doing absolutely nothing at all. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
  • Some say that he invented the mankini because he was frustraited with how his spedos looked on him and that he is the reason why The Beatles split up. All we know is he's called The Stig.
  • Some say that he invented Cheetos Giant and that he caused Hurricane Katrina after he vomited over the Bahamas. All we know is he's called the Stig!
  • Some say that he took a whole day to push a action figure of Stone Cold Steve Austin into his desk fan, and that if he could be bothered, he could do a perfect play of Awesome Possum... Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt, in 43 seconds. All we know is he's called the Stig!
  • Some say that he's contracted every extremely rare disease known to man, and that his boogers taste exactly the same, as Pickled Onion Monster Munch. All we know is he's called the Stig!
  • Some say that his favorite disease he had when he was a child, was fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva. And that the reason he wears a helmet is that his head got run over by the Texas Toy monster truck while Leslie Anderson was vacationing in Europe, on a Dutch beach. All we know is he's called the Stig!
  • Some say that he drives Jeremy's P45 to get him out of the reach of police, and that he rebuilt the Rover James for a fan in Iraq, despite us telling him not to. All we know is he's not the Stig... but he is the Stig's Arabian cousin!
  • Some say he revived his Vegetarian cousin so that he could buy a smart car, and that he car-jacked Kyle Busch's 2010 "kittens, bunnies and little baby seals" race car and sold it to a Little Chef adorned with flowers, stars, butterflies and rainbow stripes, among other girly logos. And of course, the face of a kitten. All we know is, HE'S CALLED THE STIG!

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