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The Cool Wall

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The Cool Wall, introduced in the sixth episode of series one, is a wall on which Clarkson and Hammond decide which cars are cool and which are not by placing photographs of them on to various sections of the wall. The categories are, from left to right; "Seriously Uncool", "Uncool", "Cool", and "Sub Zero". According to Jeremy, an important part of each car's coolness factor rested on the extent to which he believed they would impress the actress Kristin Scott Thomas. More recently, BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce has also been used as a notional judge. Both have since been the celebrity guest for the Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car feature, with disastrous results for Jeremy's pride. When Scott Thomas appeared on the show in series nine, many of her own judgments on which vehicles were "cool" and "uncool" were the opposite to the show's verdicts (her own set of wheels being a Honda Civic, previously dubbed "uncool"). Later, when Bruce came on in series 11, her preferred choice of transport - a Citroen Picasso - visibly horrified Clarkson who described it as a "hateful car".
Cool wall

Cool Wall

In the first episode of series four, a separate fridge section, on a table to the right of the board, was introduced after Jeremy declared that the Aston Martin DB9 was too cool even to be classified as "Sub-Zero". It initially contained just the DB9, but was eventually joined by the Aston Martin V8 Vantage in the seventh series. At the other end of the scale, James May's car - the Fiat Panda - was placed several meters to the left of the "uncool" side, on a banner at the back of the hangar.

This was partly due to an acknowledged rule by the presenters that cars owned by themselves cannot be considered cool. In series nine, Clarkson was forced to place the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder in the Uncool section because he had just bought one. He then revealed that he had sold his Ford GT, allowing him to move the car back into the Sub-Zero section.

On Series 8 Episode 3, The Koenigsegg CCX is the first supercar to be deemed "Cool", because of its scariness and danger factor. The Lotus Exige S is declared "Uncool" because of a man in shorts liking it; the Proton Savvy is also deemed "Uncool" due to its name. The Nissan Micra C+C is deemed almost too uncool for the wall (it is hanging off the edge of the "Seriously Uncool" section). The Jaguar XK is also deemed "Uncool" because of the game of golf, which influences the car's performance (in Clarkson's view). Clarkson afterwards said: "It's also pissing off our director, who's just bought one!"


Rules and TacticsEdit

There are some rules to the Cool Wall, although all seem to be flexible:

  • Motorcycles are not allowed in, as demonstrated on February 18, 2007 when Richard Hammond, a lifelong fan of bikes, added a picture of a Ducati 1098 to the cool section. Jeremy Clarkson responded by using a chainsaw to remove not only the picture, but also the section of wall where it had been.
  • Supercars are automatically cool or super cool. Two supercars, the Bugatti Veyron and the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren are also classed as cool (both of which have been driven by Clarkson in races against other forms of transport).
  • Diesel-powered cars are never cool as, regardless of how good they are, their only purpose is to save money.
  • Cars owned by any of the Top Gear presenters aren't cool. This applies for uncool celebrities and footballers, as well.
  • Small European cars, such as the Peugeot 206, are generally cool.
  • People carriers are never cool, because they're not cars people want to have; they're cars people need to have. Jeremy Clarkson has always described them as for "people who have given up".
  • Everything with a Skoda badge on it is considered to be seriously uncool; the picture of the Skoda Fabia represents all Skodas.
  • Hybrids are seriously uncool; the Toyota Prius was hanging off the end, but was updated to cool in a later episode due to the fact that it will seem an attractive prospect to environmentalist women to see a man "caring for the environment".
  • German Cars, particularly BMWs and Mercedes, are generally. When Clarkson tried to put the BMW M6 in the sub zero section, there was a fight when Hammond said that you can't put a BMW as cool.
  • American cars are generally uncool or less, with rare exception.

HumourEdit

The humour of this section often lies in Clarkson and Hammond disagreeing over which section a car should be placed in, with Clarkson nearly always winning the argument — sometimes by placing the car at the very top of the wall, preventing the much shorter Hammond from being able to reach it. Hammond has occasionally got his revenge, such as when he ate the card on which a BMW M6 was featured, preventing it from being used, or during series six, after Clarkson had slipped two intervertebral discs and was unable to bend down, Hammond ended an argument by placing the car in question at the bottom of the board.

FireEdit

Due to an arson fire that destoryed most of Top Gear's props that happened between series 9 and 10, for which Clarkson blames Fifth Gear, the cool wall was lost. On the first episode of the 10th series Clarkson and Hammond look at the burned and ruined stickers but ultimately abandon the cool wall.

This segment was oddly edited out of the Netfilx episode for unknown reasons, as was the news segment talking about the fire. Some belive that this is a possabile cover-up attempt on Netflix's part, but no real evidence has been found to accuse the company.

The WallEdit

  • SZF - Sub-Zero Fridge-bar (The Very Best), also referred to as the Aston fridge.
  • SZ - Sub-Zero (best)
  • C - Cool (good)
  • U - Uncool (bad)
  • SU - Seriously uncool (worst)
  • X - Undecided
  • TOB - Taken Off Board
  • WBSU- Way Beyond Seriously Uncool
Car
Jaguar XJR SZ
Mercedes-Benz SL C
Porsche 911 (left-hand) C
Peugeot 206 GTi C
Bentley Continental GT C
BMW M3 CSL C
Ford GT C
Porsche 911 GT3 C
BMW 5-series C
Daihatsu Copen SU
Mazda RX-8 C
Nissan 350Z C
Lamborghini Gallardo C
BMW M3 SZ
Vauxhall Monaro C
Porsche 997 C
Mercedes-Benz SLK C
Enzo Ferrari SU
Aston Martin DB9 SZF
Aston Martin DB9 Cabriolet SZ
Maserati Gran Sport C
Peugeot 107 U
Fiat Panda U
Range Rover Sport C
Aston Martin V8 C
Saab 9-3 Aero coupe C
Mercedes-Benz SLK55 AMG C
BMW M6 C
Volkswagen Passat 2001 SU
Nissan Micra WBSU
Suzuki Liana U
Chevrolet Lacetti SU
Koenigsegg CCX C
Pergeout 806 U
Bugatti Veyron C
Chrysler PT Cruiser WBSU
Richard's Porsche C
Renault Avantime TOB
Smart Roadster SZ
Rolls Royce Phantom C
Pagani Zonda C
Fiat Multipla 2006 WBSU
Fiat Multipla WBSU
BMW Z4 C
Ford Focus RS C
Lamborghini Murciélago LP670-4 SV C
Audi RS4

C

Peel P50 SU
Volvo V70 SZ
Nissan 370Z C
Alfa Romeo Brera SZF
Aston Martin DBS C
Volkswagen Golf GTI C
Audi R8 C
Nissan GTR C
Lamborghini Aventador SZF
Alfa Romeo 147 SZF

Volkswagen Golf IV 1998

?
Ferrari 458 Italia SZF
ASTRA VXR (RH EDITION)

SZF

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